It is kind of crazy to say but I want to meet my biological mother. I have for the last 30+ years had no desire too. Even in the last 6 months I have been very unmoved in my outlook.
I am not 100% sure when I had a change of heart but recently I had a conversation with someone who made me think on the bigger picture.
I have often looked at it as how it will impact me and my family but what about the impact on the family I was not raised with?
I have shared in previous post about how my DNA test nailed down my paternity. Long back story ends with two men that could possibly be my father. The man that I got my DNA from has passed away. His family denied his paternity when I was a child and gave up rights to me. Kansas was just starting to give rights to grandparents at the time. I have since tried to reach out to various members of his family but have not had any response. Another challenge I am working on over the next month will be focused on finding out as much as I can about my Zimmerman line.
But back to meeting my biological mother.
I have often felt like I cold fish when it comes to this. My feelings have always been very casual. I feel odd about it really. When you watch shows on TV where they are searching and wanting to meet their parents and they have a drive and a passion to find and meet them. They have a nervous flutter or shaking hands. I do not have that passion or singular focus.
When I was deep in reflection on the pros and cons of meeting my mother I realized a few things. My life’s JOY and HAPPINESS is not dependent on meeting her. If we meet or not my life is still complete. However, the longer I wait the less time I might have.
All this contemplating raised other questions. What does this say about my witness? Where is the grace? Can’t someone grow, change and turn their life around?