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Over the last decade I have contemplated reaching out to my biological family. I wish it had been as simple as “yes I want to”, so I did it. Nothing I do is simple, I waivered many times before I actually made the initial contact.
I searched on Facebook and found who I believed to be my sister and after agonizing over what to write I sent her a Facebook message. It was my sister and we have been messaging back and forth for a few years.
Of the four children I was the only one that rights were
terminated after a few years in the system. The older two went to live with
their father. As there were questions over my paternity, he did not claim me. I was placed in the system and once the rights
were severed I was adopted.
My parent’s employment moved us from Kansas to Indiana the summer before 2nd
grade. Kansas always felt right to me. You know, home. When we would visit Kansas as I got older I
often wondered if I would recognize anyone from my biological family. Who knew perhaps that person that passed us
on the street could have been a cousin.
Even with these curiosities in my mind I never let my parents know that I contemplated contacting my biological family. While they were always open and willing to share I had a subconscious fear that my asking questions or showing interest would hurt them in some way, specifically my mother.
It was not until I was married and had our first child that I spoke my interest out loud. My husband has been very supportive. I spent years being the complacent child doing what was wanted of me and now he was encouraging me to do what it was that I wanted. Even then I still hesitated.
I think my father saw it as an affront against my mother’s memory when I talked about my biological family and my interest. I finally realized I needed decided for myself not for him or anyone around me.
It has taken me roughly 11 years and a 38th birthday to decide to reach out. I messaged my sister and asked if she had the address to our mother. Once she sent it to me it took me a few days to compose my letter. I sent it last week. Being the fretter I am, I worry how it will be received. I am not a patient person and going into week two of sending the letter has be anxiously waiting to see if she responds